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How to keep a supportive friendship long-lasting?

September 27, 2020January 8, 2019 by Ariana Mara

how to keep a supportive friendship alive

Supportive friendships are hard to find and even harder to keep them alive. Words of comfort in tough times sometimes all you need to feel good. True, supportive friends are there for you when you are feeling down to encourage you and, if needed, give you some tough love.

Although are you feeling that your old pal is ignoring you when you need them most? Do you feel that your friendship is failing because your buddy is not helpful to you? Do you want to know how you can keep a supportive friendship long-lasting?

Let’s be honest; it is quite saddening to have a friendship that’s on the rocks.

It could be that your pal has made some new friends or going through a rough patch in his or her life. Nonetheless, the essence of being true friends is for you to be able to help each other. You need someone who is supportive, non-judgmental, engaging and able to help you feel at ease.

That said, if things aren’t all rosy with your friend, there are some strategies that you can use to help him or her to be more helpful. Follow the link to check the 5 Signs that reveal your friend is not helping your progress.

Strategies to keep a supportive friendship long-lasting

Spruce up your usual conversation

Perhaps your friend is ignoring you because the relationship has become a little mundane. So, shake things up when it comes to conversation. Look for interesting and fresh topics to bring up in discussion with your friend. If you always talk about video games, for instance, maybe it’s high time to switch onto career, relationships, and whatnot. It also pays to keep a little mystery in your topics. That would most certainly keep your friend engrossed in the conversation. This way, you can enhance your pal’s listening tendencies towards you, so that the next time you bring up a problem, it will not fall on deaf ears.

Simply help her or him out when in need

Most vibrant friendships are all about tit-for-tat. If your pal isn’t listening to your issues or not helping out much, maybe it’s because you are not helpful yourself. Supportive friendship is a two-way street. Create a sense of family or community with your friend. Being able to assist your pal forges a relationship based on the feeling of giving and taking, not just taking all the time.

Be supportive and always make him or her feel at ease.

If your friend is looking for a job, for example, try putting a good word to your boss or colleagues. It’s only this way which you will take your relationship to a whole new and exciting level.

Make a habit of surprising your friend

It might seem old school, but it always works like a charm. Surprise your pal once in a while with something – from a lunch date, pair of tickets to a gift and everything in between. Well, you have to go small, lest it feels that you are buying his or her affection. Regardless of the gift, make a clear-cut point that your friend is unique and special to you.

Get Together Often

It’s no secret, the key to every relationship and supporting friendship is bonding. Your friend, for one, might not feel obliged to be supportive if you seem like a stranger to him or her. So, spend more time together – perhaps go out more. Teenagers can stand to benefit from sleepovers and do homework together.

These are just but a few ways to help your friend become more helpful and keep your supportive friendship alive. The bottom line, however, is to make space in your schedule, encourage listening, and help each other out often. This way, you can cultivate a healthy, give-and-take relationship.

Follow the link to find out about more benefits of having a supportive relationship with others.

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

5 Signs your friend is not helping your progress

March 10, 2020January 6, 2019 by Ariana Mara

2-min read

We all have heard of toxic relationships; perhaps you’re more familiar with that couple who fight all the time. But, did you know a toxic friendship existed too?

That’s right; we can all become victims of failing friendships. The thing is that most of us are afraid to admit that a friendship has run its course.

If you are looking to ditch a toxic friendship, here are five surefire signs that your friend is an enemy to your progress.

1. You initiate most of the contact

You don’t need a calculator to know that a friend is not helpful if you have to initiate contact most, if not, all the time. Best believe it; who texted, chatted or called first is a good barometer for a progressive friend? That is why it comes as no big surprise that one person is more invested than the other in most failing relationships.

If you want to know for sure, start off by taking a small step back to see what your friend will do. Any good friend worth having will most certainly notice your silence.

2. Your friend leaves you feeling drained

Someone who is poised to help you progress should always leave your energetic, reinvigorated, and ready to face life challenges head-on. The best way to gauge this is to make a mental note of how you feel in your friend’s company and how you feel once you’ve gone on separate ways.

Do you feel that all your internal energy has been depleted?

If so, you need to re-examine your friendship because you’re definitely in a toxic friendship. That is someone who is holding you back from achieving your full potential. The trick is to stick with supportive pals who keep you cheerful when you are together, and you’ve parted ways.

3. Your friend doesn’t add value to your life

They say great friendship is good for your immune system, but the vice-versa is also true. If you cringe even at the thought of meeting your friend, then it’s high time to cut the cord. That’s right; if you don’t feel at ease – there’s no fun left – you have to break up. Again, friendship should not be detracting; it should keep balance in your life.

4. He or she doesn’t support your life aspirations or goals

We all have ambition – and it’s a good thing. So, if your friend is critical of your ambitions, the friendship isn’t going to help you make any progress.

Does your friend make you feel guilty when you pursue your dreams?

A supportive friend always desires the best for you and would never sabotage your dreams and hopes. More over, supportive relationships are enablers to a more successful life.

5. He or she is hard to find

Non-judgmental, supportive, good listener, easy to find, and engaging – what do they have in common. That’s right; a great friend is easy to pin down especially during a crisis. If he or she constantly puts off meeting you, then you have to call it quits.

Wrap-up

A good friend is someone who adds a fair of energy and value to your life. That’s why you need to cut off friends that display any of the signs above.But once you find a true friend, it’s worth to learn How to keep a supportive friendship alive.

Photo by Yanapi Senaud on Unsplash

3 Things That Might Hold You Back

February 21, 2020December 10, 2018 by Ariana Mara

3-min read

Looking at successful people around you may make you wonder whether you are on the right track. However if you spend too much time pondering over your past failures it may paralyse you. Find out three ways how you can increase your self-confidence.

Find ways how to avoid things that hold you back

Making a couple of good moves may be easy but repeating success poses a series of whole new challenges. Looking at all those successful people around you may make you wonder whether you are on the right track.

Such thoughts are beneficial when it comes to checking on your progress and the overall direction of your life, but if you spend too much time pondering over your past failures or actions you label as failures, you might find yourself in the passive zone.

The passive zone is a period in your life, which might last hours or days, even weeks or months, and during that time you slow down; or even worse the fear that you cannot meet the expectations will paralyse you.

What are these things that hold you back?

You probably failed in the past in a particular field, or someone told you that you failed.

When it comes to failure, it is better to step back a little and think about what failure means to you. Some see failure as a dreadful thing and associate the lack of success with it; and while this is partly right, failure itself can be rewarding, too.
What is this crazy article talking about, right?

Situations in which we don’t entirely achieve what we set out for ourselves are often excellent learning opportunities. If you take the time thinking about your situation and what exactly happened, you will undoubtedly find things that worked well and some that didn’t.

Let’s see an example:

You attend the job interview and you don’t get the role. In black and white, it is a failure. You needed a job, you had the chance to present your fitness for the position, and you didn’t get the role. Straightforward failure. Or is it?

Think about the whole process:

Did you update your CV and did you include the relevant skills and experiences?
How did you prepare for the interview?
Did you do your research about the company?
Can you remember the great and the less pleasant moments of the conversation?
If so, you can pinpoint when it didn’t work out so well.

People around you are telling you that you are not capable of accomplishing what you set out for yourself.

That is an interesting one because for that they must be in your shoes and they must live your life. Do they now?

Furthermore, they have to know you better than you know yourself. While there are people who have very little self-awareness, I don’t assume you are one. In fact, there is a tiny to zero chance that you are one. Do you know why? Because you are reading this article.

So why do these people tell you that you are not capable?

They might not have a good view of your situation.
They don’t know you very well yet.
They wouldn’t be able to successfully deliver in a similar situation and assume you wouldn’t be able to do that either.
They are worried about you because they think your goal is a considerable undertaking.
They underestimate you.
They are jealous.

These are just a couple of examples, but I am sure you get the picture. People around you may have several reasons to tell one thing or another, and it is up to you whether you let their opinion influence you and these things that hold you back. Find out here How do people drag you down?

Your Fears

You don’t take on a new responsibility at your job because you fear you won’t meet the expectations. Question is whether you really know what the expectations are, or you assume what the expectations would be.

You would be surprised just how many times people assume certain things. They look at someone’s face or try to interpret their gestures; they don’t ask for performance indicators or success factors.

Take time and figure out where your fear is coming from, understand the aspects of your concern. Get to know your fear before you decide facing it.

Yes, the final step is facing your fear. Now, if you think about holding a spider in the palm of your hand; that is not what I meant.

Once you understand your fear and where it is coming from, you will be able to handle it, because you will be able to see the root cause and deal with it; and once you dealt with the root cause itself, the fear will fade away. Leave behind the things that hold you back and harness the Benefits of believing yourself.

Photo from Unsplash

Beautiful winter inspiration

September 3, 2020November 30, 2018 by Ariana Mara

Building Self-Confidence – The Benefits of Believing in Yourself

September 28, 2020November 27, 2018 by Ariana Mara

Building self-confidence can have a magical effect on your life, it helps you to shine and enables your personal growth. Read on to see what benefits believing in yourself brings to you.

Have you ever set out to achieve something, big or small, and heard a voice in your head telling you how terribly you will fail? Or do you sometimes think you are not good enough and you just cannot do it? Many people have had experience with this voice. It is self-doubt. This taunting voice beats you into a corner when you want to stand up to the high winds of challenges in life. All it does is criticize you and make you feel worthless.

The greedy nature of self-doubt ensures it sweeps clean all confidence, logic, and reason from your mind. It leaves you with unhappiness and depression. Fear and insecurity occupy your mind. However, that should not be the case. Honoré de Balzac couldn’t have been more correct when he said that, when you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt. The best you can do for yourself, with the help of self-knowledge, is believing in yourself and keep building self-confidence.

The good news is that the voice is made up in your mind, and there are ways to control it, rather than shutting it down completely. Failure to do this will plunge you into the ditch of fear, anxiety, and insecurity, and it is the last place you want to find yourself since you will feel like you have little to be worth living for. Paralysis, physical and emotional, may also ensue.

The Benefits of Believing in Yourself

Resources, intelligence, and opportunity may contribute to the success of an individual. Still, when you look deep down into the core of the prosperity of successful people, you will find they started by believing in themselves.

Why would you believe in yourself? If you don’t, no one will!

Putting it simply, if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. If you want your boss to recognize your performance, you must clearly represent the qualities expected of you. If you’re going to convince investors to put their money into your business, you must show beyond doubt that you have a firm conviction that your strategy will work.

Building Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is an important attribute, especially when faced with challenges in life. Click to learn more about What does it take to be confident?

One sure way of ensuring you will dig deep and stand firm is believing in yourself; the belief that comes from within enables you to face any challenge without succumbing to fear. If you feel that your self-esteem is in ruins, you may start with something small and begin building self-confidence in tiny steps. Believe in your capability to speak up at the next meeting. Have faith in it so firmly that you see yourself speaking and providing input. You already know the topic of the discussion. Prepare yourself, think about potential questions, and the opportunity will manifest itself.

A Step Closer to Achieving Your Goal

It is crucial to find a way to shut down the inner voice that would tell you how big and unachievable your goal is. You don’t want to be afraid to take steps towards success due to insecurity or self-doubt. Believing in yourself is one of the surest ways to make big strides towards the goal you have been chasing for a while now. You only need a positive attitude and thinking to realize it will take you time and effort to achieve your target and keep building your self-confidence, but you will achieve it and shine. Learning more about The psychology of positive thinking is a good starting point.

It’s an inspiration

When you believe in yourself, you give yourself the motivation to work harder every day to move forward and go for what you desire. In the wake of difficulties or even setbacks, you cannot afford to stop, no excuses, you have to be consistent. Self-doubt is the crusher of big dreams many people have in life. You need the driving force to make it in life, and inspiration is a significant boost to get you motivated.

Gives the realization that mistakes are part of the process

Anyone telling you that you will always have a smooth ride in life towards your goal is lying. Failure is bound to attack when you think you have gotten to the level ground. The last thing you want to have by your side is self-doubt. It will make you believe that all is gone, and there is nothing more to do. However, when you build your self-confidence and believe in yourself, it will make you realize that, once you fail, you’d better stand up, dust off, and move on because that is what the journey of life is about.

It gives you a positive attitude

Winston Churchill once said attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. He was right. When you let negative thoughts flood your mind all the time, achieving your goal will be difficult. It is self-belief that makes you have the right attitude towards success.

Regaining your self-belief

Maybe you have lost the belief in yourself that we have discussed in this article, and you are wondering how you can get your self-belief back. All is not lost. You can regain your confidence and become successful in life. The following are ways in which you can start believing in yourself again and contribute to building self-confidence.

Avoid people who bring you down

You have more than likely come across individuals who believe everything is impossible or so complicated that it is not worth the effort. These are the people you must avoid at all costs. They will do nothing less than shoot down your ideas when you come up with them, making you develop self-doubt and insecurity. Follow the link to see How do people drag you down?

Identify your doubts

What are the things you think you cannot achieve in life? Why do you think you cannot reach them? Identifying what you think you are not good at is a sure-fire way to overcome fears and doubt and take the first steps in building self-confidence.

Count your achievements

One way to boost your self-confidence when you feel down is to count and celebrate your results and accomplishments, even the smallest ones. It is the time when the usual pep talk does not cut it. Get a pen and pencil, and list your successes one by one. Having someone tell you what you have achieved over the years is also an excellent way to increase your confidence.

Love and trust yourself

What people with self-doubt lack is self-love and trust. These two make you understand that the cause of action you take is the right one, and nothing will ever stop you from achieving your best and believing in yourself. Let’s get building self-confidence; you deserve it!

Photo from Unsplash

How do people drag you down?

September 3, 2020November 14, 2018 by Ariana Mara

People in your environment can drag you down in many ways. You may remember your mom telling you that your friend was trouble and you should have known better than hanging out with him or her. Truth to be told, being with friends who always look for and find trouble is not the only way to be dragged down.

Your energy level changes frequently throughout the day. Depending on what you do and who you are talking to, you may feel great and inspired at the end of the day, or you may feel tired by the end of a meeting. I am sure you know what I am talking about. Who didn’t hear about energy vampires? But I don’t want to talk about energy vampires today. How do people drag you down?

I’d instead talk about people, even in your immediate environment, who you wouldn’t consider as energy vampires. People who merely by telling their opinion or giving you feedback can set your mood and negatively influence your self-confidence. It sounds scary, doesn’t it?

You can read more things that might hold you back here.

It is somewhat troubling. We have power over each other. Of course, others will have control over you only in case you let them have it.

You may have a friend, who you have known for ages, and you love, and suddenly things just don’t click the same way they did in the past.
Your friend probably hit a rough patch, and you may or may not know about it, but your friend’s negativity leaves its mark on your life, too.

When you have a success you can’t wait to share and meet your bitter friend who finds your success only temporary.
When you get a fantastic opportunity which your friend suddenly finds suspicious.

Unless you are very conscious about your friend’s situation and can remember how her or his balanced views helped you before or how different the negativity you experience from your friend is, you may find yourself trying to find out why that particular opportunity wouldn’t work for you or why was your success in fact a failure, without you recognising it.

You can also think about a colleague who shares a job with you and even though you both rely on each other’s efforts and work, this colleague doesn’t seem to care as much as you do. Your colleague, for whatever reason, doesn’t finish the report on time or forgets to send out an important email.
May not be much work to do anyway but if you have to do it instead of this colleague repeatedly, it becomes annoying. Or if you receive negative feedback as a consequence of your colleague’s mistake, it feels off-putting. Mainly because you now form a team and share the success and the responsibility, too.

So, what can you do?

Your plan of action will depend on why your colleague neglects his or her responsibilities.

Don’t be harsh; your colleague may struggle with problems in the family or illness. He or she may be stressed out because of other responsibilities or may already be overloaded with conflicting priorities. Think about the environment you both work in and make your first step accordingly.

Naturally, if you find that your colleague has all the opportunity to deliver on his or her promises, you may schedule a meeting where you can share your thoughts and views about the situation.

Many times, we don’t want to be the bad guys and let others get away with things that annoy us. That might work out for a while, but the time will come when you feel you had enough. Believe me, it is better to have that discussion before you reached the point of no return. Generally, there are meny benefits of believing of yourself. Read more here.

Cover photo by Leon Biss on Unsplash

Ways how self-awareness helps your career progress

September 3, 2020October 31, 2018 by Ariana Mara

how self-awareness can help your career article cover image

Why you are the best person to improve self-awareness

Some believe that self-awareness is the most important skill when it comes to building a successful professional career. On the other hands others may tell you that self-awareness is somewhat superficial, and you need to have a solid education and professional skills to make it in the world of work.

Even though there is an increasing number of articles and sources that provide you with information about self-awareness, it still might be slightly challenging to grasp the true meaning of it.

Finding a definition is quite easy but to understand how self-awareness works and more importantly how it helps your career progress may be a challenge.

Why is it a challenge?

I believe it is because understanding any concept is only the first step. Applying the knowledge and integrating habits that help self-growth can then follow.

First, let’s see what self-awareness is.

According to the Oxford Dictionaries, it is a “Conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires.”

After reading this definition, it is easier to understand how self-awareness affects career and career progress. Think about the time when you started your career and be very honest.

How much was your first job a conscious choice?
How much did you consider your strengths and weaknesses when you sent out your job applications for the first time?

Majority of young people try to grab a job opportunity as soon as they can to start their career. So, don’t feel bad if you were not super conscious about your career choices back then.

I think I am right to assume though that, with time, your choices have been more about taking advantage of your skills and talent. As you matured, you focused on building a career that gave you the opportunity to expand either vertically or horizontally. Whenever you switched jobs, you were looking for something else, a new challenge.

You listened to your motives and desires and shaped your job search accordingly.

While this was undoubtedly your self-awareness in motion, you may ask yourself a question whether there were or there are other areas where your self-awareness could give you a competitive edge. And the answer to this question is a definite yes.

Regardless of the industry you are working in, or your professional field, no work can be done alone without the support of and contribution from others. To get that, you need to have social skills and the foundation of all success in any social environment is self-awareness.

Let’s just see a couple of examples, think about your work environment and job.

What makes you feel stressed?
What leaves you feeling depleted?
How do you respond to authority?
With what type of leadership style do you work best together?
How do you deal with criticism?
What is your number one conflict resolution tactic?

This isn’t me, but what is me then?

From the above questions you can see that without being self-aware you are not able to answer such question. Furthermore, without being self-aware, your choices around which company or team to join may leave you with disappointment.

Just by answering these questions, you will have a clear picture of what environment you would like to work in. In addition, you will see what type of work gives you inspiration and satisfaction. No one else can make these choices for you and although getting paid is great but getting paid for a job you don’t enjoy may be miserable. Check these techniques to help advance your career.

So, even if you think self-awareness is not the most important thing when building your career, I am sure you agree that it has such a high impact that you cannot ignore developing it.

Cover photo by Laura Dewilde on Unsplash

When should you change career, when should you change job?

March 16, 2021 No Comments

Due to the ongoing pandemic, it’s maybe not the best time to change your job or career. There is a lot of uncertainty out there at the moment. However, the current situation brought along time to slow down, to mull things over. Is this the time to get prepared for the long-overdue career change or job change? Indeed, things can’t stay still

Find yourself journaling

March 15, 2021 No Comments

Self-reflection is primarily a way of self-assessment. It has numerous self-development benefits. As one method of practicing self-reflection, journaling helps your mind focus by reflecting on specific questions. Those questions can be related to the area you intend to work on. One such benefit of self-reflection, journaling included, is to help you strategize. In other

Positive thinking, overcoming insecurities, growth mindset

January 12, 2021 No Comments

Personal growth enables us to become a better version of ourselves. It takes a lifetime to perfect it. However, personal development doesn’t need to be complicated! Let’s imagine that we are playing a tic-tac-toe game and give you two tools to build on and one factor that may block you and how you can overcome it. This article

How to combat our everyday challenges effectively

September 3, 2020October 16, 2018 by Ariana Mara

how to combat everyday challenges article cover image

It is as critical to face everyday challenges with dignity as to have the necessary tools for such a task if you are to tackle them effectively and emerge a victor.

No single human being leads a quiet, smooth and happy life that is devoid of stress factors, ills, or complications all through. Challenges form part of our human existence. They are ubiquitous and, in a unique way, help shape how we ought to deal with situations, appreciate what we can’t solve and, of course, handle issues and problems.
And, whether you like it or not, challenges will always be there, regardless of your financial situation, your age, gender or status in the society. But, if you choose to avoid them and run away, you will be doing perhaps the worst thing for yourself. Problems are to be faced, and not to be avoided. So, instead of running away or blaming someone, use the following techniques to combat them effectively. For encouragement check The power of now and how you can harness it.

A 4-step method of overcoming everyday challenges in life

Step #1: Identify the problem and state it clearly

One you decide to face the problem head-on, you must know what the problem is as well as its nature. Sure, you might be looking bold, but calm and raring to go, but you ought to know who your real “enemy” is. If you are at war with a problem that you don’t fully know, then you will not solve it well.
Therefore, stay calm and take your time to know and understand the problem. It is from the proper understanding of the issue that you will formulate the right goals, how you will work towards attaining them and perhaps stay on course once the journey starts.

Step #2: Gather your troops

Well, you have grounded yourself, and your heart is bubbling healthy even though you know that there’s a challenge ahead. Assuming that you have properly studied the problem, it is about time you gathered all your resources and identified your strengths and weaknesses. Experts advise that you make a comprehensive list of all that you will need. Among the things you will need to combat challenges are:

Materials and other tangibles
Using books and magazines to digital resources, you can gather whatever is fit for resolving the issues you face. When you are aware that you don’t have enough resources, try to be patient and buy some time. Go right ahead with what is at your disposal or just adopt an alternative, perhaps more creative technique. It’s all about being intuitive, and some aspects of timing, too.
Personal skills and expertise
Some say hard work beats talent. Work extra hard, hone your skills and polish that expertise, and you will overcome the issue. Be an expert in your field and don’t compromise on quality.
Collaboration
You might be striving to fight the problem on your own, which is impressive. But with a larger group comprising different minds, talents, and energies, you will win with ease. Remember, to be successful you need not only others but also their support. After all, many hands make work easier.

Step #3: Come up with a working strategy

From the proverbial 5Ps – Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance, an effective strategy at hand means you are equipped to combat everyday challenges en route. Rack your brain, come up with a feasible strategy and execute it as efficiently as you can.
Formulating a fit for purpose strategy takes time because it needs evaluated information. You will be assessing yourself, much like you reviewing and knowing more about the nature of the challenge. But as you do so, don’t waste valuable time to grant the challenge to grow and develop, because resolving an issue of a greater complexity will require more resources and efforts from you.

Step #4: Implement the strategy

A fit for purpose working strategy isn’t necessarily the shiniest one, that is according to successful entrepreneurs who have had to wait for the successful working formula during the umpteenth time. So, don’t feel let down when the first, second and third plans don’t live up to your expectations. As you work towards reaching those goals and stay clear from the challenges, just remember that consistency is the key.
For some specific challenges, creativity, skill and intelligence are needed the most. But for others, timing paired with diligence and determination is the most profound requirements. In short, you must know what the challenge really is and how to utilize your resources to ensure a simple, glitch-free and successful completion.

But, you can’t make use of each of the four techniques if you lack the following virtues:

Calmness and composure
Costly decisions often emerge from emotion-driven choices. In the midst of the challenges, stay calm and watch your thoughts.
Accept the reality
Yes, everything seems to be going awry. Yes, no one appears to care and yes, you might look hopeless and miserable. BUT, the first way of fighting the everyday challenges, is accepting that indeed you are fighting a dire situation.
Don’t blame anyone
Take full responsibility for the problems so that you can start the road to recovery in earnest.
Avoid the analysis paralysis
Don’t spend too much time thinking about the problem. Neither should you spend a colossal amount of time checking the strategies. If you do so, frustrations and fears will kick in, and in the end, you will start blaming yourself more.
Focus on detachment
Challenges will always be there, but when you choose to live with them, trust me, you’ll lead a happy life. Try to step out of the circle of problems, distance yourself and look at them from a different angle.

For some, challenges mark the end and lead to a miserable life, stress and depression. But for others, challenges aren’t baggage at all. They’re what spur creativity, offer a window of opportunity and a perfect launchpad for stardom. For more Techniques to overcome everyday challenges click here.
It depends on how you perceive the nature of the challenge and what lies beneath it. So, on which side are you?

Cover photo by Lou Levit on Unsplash

How to set goals you can achieve

September 3, 2020October 14, 2018 by Ariana Mara

4-min read

Typical goal setting mistakes and how to fix them

Various sources, methods and even apps are available to support you if you decide to set goals for yourself.

Many of us set new goals in January each year and we all try to do our best to achieve those goals.

Somewhere along the way, after a couple of weeks or months these goals seem to fade away. You turn your attention to something else, which you believe, seems to be more important. Similar may happen to other goals you set during the year.

Why did you decide to place these goals in the back of the top shelf of your mind? Was their fate to be forgotten? Which goals prove to be long lasting and achievable? Where did it go wrong and what could you have done differently? Did you use the best app?

Let me share with you the common mistakes in goal setting, and these have very little to do with an app:

goals are set based on an impulse;
you think goal setting is like writing a daily to do list;
goals listed as you would prepare your shopping list;
you can only achieve your goal by doing something you really don’t fancy;
you think achieving the goal will sort out your life;
the goal is shiny and fantastic, and it is so far from you as the moon and the stars … but when you talk about it everyone admires you for having such a great adventure ahead of you;
you set a goal, because your friend(s) or significant other set the very same goal and by the way they are doing quite well in achieving it;
you can achieve the goal when sleeping, or standing on one leg, singing a song and juggle three apples at the same time.

Probably I could extend the list with a bit more effort, but I am sure, by now you understand, goal setting is about you. Your life and your future are in your hands, you are the director of your own movie. Therefore, anything goes wrong with goal setting is on you.

Devastating, I know…

On the other hand, it might just be good news. There is freedom in accepting you have control over your life and that comes with freedom to decide and act. For more inspiration click here.

Let’s take a look at these mistakes one by one. Learn from them, so that you can embrace your newly acquired set of opportunities.

Goals are set based on an impulse

New year resolutions, unless you built a habit of them, are good examples of such goal setting. However, you may experience this phenomenon when you buy a treadmill, because you saw an inspiring video. It convinced you running is the best option for you to lose weight.

You are setting a goal in a mood for changing things quickly and/or in a hopeful moment. On the other hand, don’t think about ways of achieving it or the activities and obligations coming with it. You try to stick with it, try your best to achieve it. At the end your schedule, work, other tasks or even your hobby may cross your way. Finally, the goal you want to achieve seems to require so much effort you can’t make.

Goals listed as items on a shopping list

Shopping lists are created in different ways, some like to sit down and think what is needed for the next couple of days or for the week. Others leave little notes about the items they need to replace, replenish in the household. Alternatively some just would like to add the most obvious items and add more items while shopping to allow some creativity and flexibility around shopping. The more practical you are with your shopping list is the better for your purse probably.

What is wrong with the shopping list type of goal setting?

Basically, you list things you would like to buy, rather than to achieve/earn and you think on a short term.

I give you an example, which is coming from one of my friends. His goal list started with get a new sports car this year.

He was thinking about an item, and acquiring this item was itself the goal. Even if not within a year, but within a year and a half or two, he could finally buy the sports car and that is when the disappointment started. The sports car was great, but he couldn’t drive it as much as he wanted. Additionally by the time he got the car, he felt he could have invested the money better, and he didn’t enjoy the car as much as he thought he would.

You set goals as you would write a to do list

A to do list includes activities you plan to deliver in a day, so you define what you would like to achieve on a short term. The activities you plan are usually the ones that can be delivered easily and will not pose much challenge.

You can only achieve your goal by doing something you really don’t fancy

Doing the Ironman triathlon is an impressive goal unless you have hydrophobia, or losing 22 pounds in 2 months can be very challenging if you know you are not ready to leave your favourite foods behind and find alternatives.

You think achieving the goal will sort out your life

While losing weight, or changing your career may bring improvements to your life, hoping it will solve all your problems may cause you disappointment at the end.

Many believe they just need to change their clothes, earn big money, or have cool friends and they will change their lives. Waiting for something to happen just to start something else. This decision makes your life journey more difficult and takes you away from what you really can achieve and what really can bring you success.

You set a goal, because your friend(s) or significant other set the very same goal

Friends can show you a good example inspire you, root for you and be with you in the moments when you need them most. Doing things together is fun and strengthens your relationship, on the other hand your friend’s life is different than yours. His or her desires will be different from yours. Your friend set the goal for him or herself, believing the goal will take him or her forward, not you.

The goal is shiny and fantastic, and it is so far from you as the moon and the stars

Being a billionaire in a year, may sound ambitious and worth sharing at a party. Assuming you have surefire ways to achieve it or you are a genius who gets new revolutionary ideas quite frequently and have the talent to make things happen quickly.

Should your friends not see you this way, your goal will sound as bragging and may damage your relationships. Maybe your friends already know, you like to set big goals, which you abandon later. If that is the case and you are just fed up others not taking you seriously, you might want to change your mind about goal setting.

You can achieve the goal when sleeping, or standing on one leg, singing a song and juggle three apples at the same time

Setting a goal of being promoted this year, when you already know the promotion is on its way is not only naughty, but unhelpful in many ways.

I shared with you the most common mistakes in goal setting, so you may be curious to know the better ways of setting goals.

Let’s start with understanding how setting goals for your life is different. As you are achieving goals you put yourself on a certain track of your choice.

Talking about life path sounds more serious than just setting goals, isn’t it? Your life is very precious and you have the right to make decisions on it. Setting goals are such decisions.

If you asked me whether there are golden rules for goal setting, I would probably hesitate saying there are, because I saw many people successfully set goals in many different ways. However, there are certain guidelines to goal setting, which may help you to be better and more effective, and by more effective I mean you will feel closer to your goals and your sense of achievement will increase.

Set goals that make you feel you are going in a good direction

Setting goals helps you stay focussed and allows you to take and/or increase control over your life. It also will make you more structured and will improve your memory.

Each goal you set may or may not fit in the big picture of your life. Why not choose the ones that fit?

Once you decided the direction for your life, you can start planning the journey. Setting goals is to lay the stepping stones on the road, your goals will take you further in your journey.

Set goals that relate to your priorities and target areas in your life where you identified a gap and will aid your efforts in building your skills and improve your life situation.

Make your goals measurable

Sense of achievement comes when

you know what you want to deliver and how your success will look like;
also, you have a plan of action
finally, you deliver on your plan.

Goals can be defined in different ways, the more specific the definition of your goal is, the closer you may get to accomplishing it. A measurable goal will specify what exactly you want to achieve and by when. Include specific dates, volumes, or rates.

Set goals that motivate you, but don’t make you struggle

Goal achievement requires dedication and to keep progressing your motivational level needs to stay high. To achieve that you need to be convinced you can do what is needed, but delivering it will not be too easy for you either.

When you don’t have this, you risk postponing what you need to do to make the goal a reality or accomplish so easily that the goal will not give you a sense of achievement, leaving you feeling disappointed.

I set my goals in details, and include why I want to achieve the goal, where achieving it will take me and how it will help me in the future. I end up with longer sentences, but it is worth as I can keep my eye on the ball and have a check whether the goal still fits in my bigger picture of life.

Record you goals and your progress

Writing a list of your goals, recording the deadlines you set for yourself and create a habit of looking at your goals periodically will help you maintain focus.

I personally use an app to record my goals and have a reminder each day, so the goals appear every day in the morning on my phone. This way I start every day by thinking about how much closer would I like to get to achieving my goals and what do I need to do differently if I slowed down.

Make an action plan

Develop a plan of actions in that includes the steps you want to take to achieve your goals. Depending on your preference you can create a detailed plan including every step to take, just consider how much effort will be required to maintain your plan.

A good plan is clear, simple and logical and includes just as much detail, that is necessary for you to understand and remember what the steps mean.

You can write your plan on a paper, develop it in a spreadsheet or in a project planning application, or if you are in a very creative mood you can create a visual representation of your plan.

Make things happen

Even the shiniest plan will sadly sit in the bottom of your drawer, if you don’t act on it. Create a habit of doing something, even a little thing, every single day, that takes you closer to your goal. Check back on your progress and if you slow down find and assess the reasons, and work out solutions.

Difficulties, challenges will always come into your way. Some people will be helpful, others may have priorities conflicting yours. Keep up a positive attitude and build and rely on helpful relationships. If you would like to learn more about building and maintaining helpful relationships click here.

Enjoy and celebrate the progress and small successes even

I am not saying you should throw a party every time when you could raise your workout time by 5 minutes, but remind yourself of the good job you are doing and use the achievement as a building block to the next one. Learn from professionals to make decisions easier.

Cover photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash

9 Ways to improve your self-discipline

November 16, 2020September 14, 2018 by Ariana Mara

When successful people talk about the secrets of their progress in life they highlight the importance of self-discipline. Whether it is a success they achieved in their professional lives or in their personal lives, maybe both, their inherent ability for self-control through discipline was one of the key levers of their success.

They have been able to keep their thoughts, emotions and behaviours in check, which paired with an optimistic view and positive affirmations can be very powerful tools to achieve continuous development. Staying focused may be difficult sometimes, there will be better days, and on other days you may find it trying to go on. A good way to stay motivated is by using a personal reward system to make you want to stay disciplined. Some people find it helpful to have a friend that motivates them and keeps them on track. Meditation can help to clear your head at the beginning of your day. You also want to set yourself up with a schedule that will help you stay organized. Sometimes it is difficult to maintain your self-discipline. Here are some ideas to help you improve it.

Improving your self-discipline is vital to achieving any goal. Without it, it is difficult to avoid temptation. The essentials of discipline are routine and dedication. The following tips are to help you improve your self-discipline.

Maintaining a routine.

Most of what we do day by day is habit driven, it is not difficult to create a routine so you can stay focussed and have the discipline to accomplish your goal. You can put yourself on a daily routine by getting a planner and creating a daily schedule for yourself. When you know day to day what you need to do to accomplish your goal, it makes it easier to achieve it and it becomes more obtainable. You will want to keep your appointments in this planner so you know exactly where you need to be at any given point during the day, this makes it all so easy to see at a glance what will be coming up next, so you can prepare yourself mentally for the challenges you will be facing. It works for me when I allow at least 15 minutes break between meetings whenever I can, because even this short time provides me with the opportunity to gather my thoughts, collect questions, think about what I want out of that specific meeting and make a quick plan. Find 3 Methods that successful women follow to keep their career on track.

Being dedicated to achieving your goals.

Make sure you are dedicated to the goal you are trying to achieve or you will not succeed. Goals are difficult to accomplish if you aren’t serious about them. Dedication prevents backsliding and helps you to move forward and succeed at your goals. Also, gives you the focus that helps improve your self-discipline.

Setting different levels of goals will also assist you in reaching your end goal. Set not more than four long-term goals and break them down into short term ones. As you meet each short-term goal it will help keep you motivated to move forward and you will find yourself on a path of achieving and passing milestones leading to the achievement of your long-term goal. This way the short-term goals will become stepping stones to achieve the higher goal you set for yourself.

Use Positive affirmations.

Positive affirmations strengthen self-control by helping you focus on the optimistic side of a situation instead of the negative. That helps to prevent immediate impulses and unnecessary stressors. Every day you can start out by telling yourself that you are strong, confident and capable. These steps will boost your confidence and improve your self-discipline. It may sound a bit silly first, but after a couple of days you will experience that you will in fact feel more capable and confident.

Start everyday visualizing how you want that day to go.

You want to visualise the long-term rewards that come from success. Also, you can visualise your end goal, and how exactly you plan to get to that end goal. Visualisation helps you organize your thoughts and see the big picture. You can use visualisation to come up with a strategy to meet your goals. 5 Ways you can use relaxation and visualisation to help advance your career.

Give yourself a little reward after doing a good job.

Positive reinforcement is a great way to motivate anyone to get things done. Try to motivate yourself with small rewards for achieving your goals. The small rewards along the way will help keep things positive and make you want to keep going instead of giving up when it gets difficult.

Feel gratitude.

Being grateful for what we already have is something we may forget doing in the midst of the busy weekdays. Some of us concentrate on what we haven’t achieved yet, which is unhelpful to say the least when it comes to keep up motivation levels. Spending time thinking about what you don’t have may lead to action once the dissatisfaction reached a certain level and the situation becomes unbearable, otherwise it will be another way to feel sorry for yourself.

Don’t let mistakes cause you to quit.

Everyone makes mistakes. While climbing that mountain of success you are bound to slip up from time to time. What you need to keep in mind is just to keep moving forward don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game. If you allow your mistakes to discourage you and make you quit then you will never achieve your goals. Keep in mind that Einstein failed thousands of times while working on his theories and that didn’t stop him from becoming a famous scientist. Thomas Edison destroyed his house while inventing the lightbulb. As you can see mistakes can actually lead you in the right direction.

Acknowledge your weaknesses.

Most of us like to focus only on our positive attributes. This is a great thing to do most of the time, but in order to become a stronger individual it is also important to acknowledge your weaknesses so you can work to strengthen them. Most people ignore their weaknesses or they minimize the negative impact that these can have on their lives. If you admit your weaknesses, you can do things to help reinforce your areas of weakness so you can improve on them and become a stronger person.

Conclusion.

In conclusion self-discipline plays an important role in success. To achieve your goals, you must have a stable sense of self-discipline. Self-discipline requires a lot of structure and planning. Keeping a steady routine is the easiest way to maintain self-discipline. You must not forget; however, to stay dedicated to your goals and follow through with them. Make positive affirmations daily and visualize how you want your day to go. Have good friends around you to keep you motivated and don’t forget to reward yourself when you are successful! Remember to meditate every day to clear your mind. Above all, learn from your mistakes and accept your weaknesses. With these simple steps, you can improve your self-discipline that help you achieve your goals, reach your dreams and make a happier and less chaotic life even if you have to face multi tasking.

Photo by Etty Fidele on Unsplash