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How do people drag you down?

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People in your environment can drag you down in many ways. You may remember your mom telling you that your friend was trouble and you should have known better than hanging out with him or her. Truth to be told, being with friends who always look for and find trouble is not the only way to be dragged down.

Your energy level changes frequently throughout the day. Depending on what you do and who you are talking to, you may feel great and inspired at the end of the day, or you may feel tired by the end of a meeting. I am sure you know what I am talking about. Who didn’t hear about energy vampires? But I don’t want to talk about energy vampires today. How do people drag you down?

I’d instead talk about people, even in your immediate environment, who you wouldn’t consider as energy vampires. People who merely by telling their opinion or giving you feedback can set your mood and negatively influence your self-confidence. It sounds scary, doesn’t it? 

You can read more things that might hold you back here.

It is somewhat troubling. We have power over each other. Of course, others will have control over you only in case you let them have it.

You may have a friend, who you have known for ages, and you love, and suddenly things just don’t click the same way they did in the past.
Your friend probably hit a rough patch, and you may or may not know about it, but your friend’s negativity leaves its mark on your life, too.

  • When you have a success you can’t wait to share and meet your bitter friend who finds your success only temporary.
  • When you get a fantastic opportunity which your friend suddenly finds suspicious.

Unless you are very conscious about your friend’s situation and can remember how her or his balanced views helped you before or how different the negativity you experience from your friend is, you may find yourself trying to find out why that particular opportunity wouldn’t work for you or why was your success in fact a failure, without you recognising it.

You can also think about a colleague who shares a job with you and even though you both rely on each other’s efforts and work, this colleague doesn’t seem to care as much as you do. Your colleague, for whatever reason, doesn’t finish the report on time or forgets to send out an important email.
May not be much work to do anyway but if you have to do it instead of this colleague repeatedly, it becomes annoying. Or if you receive negative feedback as a consequence of your colleague’s mistake, it feels off-putting. Mainly because you now form a team and share the success and the responsibility, too.

So, what can you do?

Your plan of action will depend on why your colleague neglects his or her responsibilities.

Don’t be harsh; your colleague may struggle with problems in the family or illness. He or she may be stressed out because of other responsibilities or may already be overloaded with conflicting priorities. Think about the environment you both work in and make your first step accordingly.

Naturally, if you find that your colleague has all the opportunity to deliver on his or her promises, you may schedule a meeting where you can share your thoughts and views about the situation.

Many times, we don’t want to be the bad guys and let others get away with things that annoy us. That might work out for a while, but the time will come when you feel you had enough. Believe me, it is better to have that discussion before you reached the point of no return. Generally, there are meny benefits of believing of yourself. Read more here.

Cover photo by Leon Biss on Unsplash

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Ariana Mara

Ariana Mara

Ariana founded unleashr with the aim to help people not only understand but benefit from the changes in their professional environment.

About unleashr

At unleashr we work together every day because we would like to help you solve three key problems you may struggle with in your professional life:

  • making an impact and keeping the good things coming
  • having constant access to an energising and inspiring environment which helps you succeed and values your accomplishments
  • increasing your individual change capability, so you can stand tall or stand back up after a difficult period in your life.

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